your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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