Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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