bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
