I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
