im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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