So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
