I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize