so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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