Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
