how can u be prego again
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
