Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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