it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
