Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
