I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
