Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
