i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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