I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
