She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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