let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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