you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
