I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
