Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
