based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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