I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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