Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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