I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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