I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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