I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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