some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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