New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
