There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
