Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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