I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
