The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
