I don't usually arrange sex via text message
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
