last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
