She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im holly from the hills drunk
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
