I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
