nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
did i just pee glitter
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
