It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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