please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
