We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
