overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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