i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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