i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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