y did u give ur computer a hand job?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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