hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
