last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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