I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
