I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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