hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I just sharted jello shots
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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