hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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