I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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