OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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