Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I still have a little drunk in my system
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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