pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
