Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
