He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
