Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
