So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm like, not good at living.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
