got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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