Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just found puke in my bra..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
