I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
