im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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