he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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