I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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