Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
