That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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