Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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