i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
