If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm having to shit out rocks
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
