Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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