Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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