I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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